A group of unlikely music industry darlings, these former visual artists are actually tight with Bowie and have found a fan in Mos Def. Expect plenty of electro, beat boxing, and free jazz sounds as the basis to their Beat-like lyrics. No surprise that this group likes to have fun, in particular, the type of fun your grandmother would appreciate: word games! Apart from their name, their first album was titled OK Computer. Ha. -C.S. Tickets are $27.50 @ Ticketmaster Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

The most eloquent and fluid rapper in the most influential and powerful hip hop crew of all time is touring his 1995 classic Liquid Swords. What more do you want? It won't get better than this. Go. Tickets are $24.50 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Want to go get wasted and see some live music? Then go see Ladyhawk. These guys like to drink and so do their fans. It normally helps make the music much more bearable. And hey, it?s a Friday night so you have no excuse not to drink up and rock out. Tickets are $14 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Even though I?m constantly confused by the fact that their accents rarely show up in their singing voices, I have to admit that I love British bands. They have a remarkable ability to play wide-ranging pop music and make it seem completely arty and pretentious. I?m not sure how they do it. Well, I know how Stereolab does it, at least. They have a lead singer who performs in French. If you want to make anything seem pretentious just add French. It?s remarkable how well that works. ?P.B. Tickets are $24.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Plastikman himself, Richie Hawtin, may not be able to bend like Rubberman or change-room spy like Mr. Invisible, but he can work up a damn good techno tizzy (yeah, I use the word "tizzy.") Like other spin superstars, Richie eschews the declarative "DJ" prefix; you know you're big when?-S.T. Tickets @ Zulu Records Celebrities, 1022 Davis Street, Vancouver, BC

I find it really annoying when bands become famous for covering someone else's song. All of their other songs suck, and they redo a song and that propels them to the top. Anyone can redo a song. It's also annoying when people try really hard to become famous but don't write their own songs, have no musical ability and are coached on exactly what to wear, who to be and what to do. (Canadian Idol.) So it's refreshing when there's a band out there like Black Kids who just sort of do what they do and don't care. They didn't have a website for a long time, they didn't have a record label for awhile and they don't have a full length album. They made it strictly on their musical ability. Tickets are $20 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richard's on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

I know there are many that disagree with me but I don't understand how these guys got to be so big and I can't believe people actually like them. And they've been around for a while now. It makes no sense to me. They are so annoying. I am begging you, don't go. For the love of god, don't go!! Tickets are $29.50 - $39.50 @ Ticketmaster or 212-307-7171 Pacific Coliseum, 2901 East Hastings Street, Vancouver, BC

I was going to tell you a great story, but I have bluesy greed-rock stuck in my head and I can't concentrate. It?s like living in a world without stripes: imagine the further shrinking of skinny kids and the freeway carnage. I'm really freaking out now. Incidentally, Meg Griffin should get rid of that hat. ?S.T. Tickets are $39.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Vancouver, BC

Soy un perdedor." -"Loser" by Beck In the pre-internet days (I'm dating myself), Beck dropped a brilliant, self-aware spoken-word ballad that playfully captured the '90s zeitgeist. Then, "Google" had not become a verb, thus figuring out the lyrics was left to radio (remember that?) listeners. Unfortunately, I didn't - nor do I - speak Spanish. I should apologize to Beck for mangling his masterpiece time and again. Sorry, Beck. -S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Neil Sedaka's nearly 60 year career is quite impressive, but honestly, he's pretty boring. There's nothing interesting about him. So I'll just go ahead and make some stuff up: Neil Sedaka has the world record for most pleats per pant. Neil Sedaka's glasses can be seen from space. Neil Sedaka's biggest hit was the 1962 Paul Anka diss track, "Anka, how's my ass taste." I think I like him a lot better now. Don't you? - R.T. Tickets are $64.50 - $74.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Red Robinson Show Theatre, Boulevard Casino, 2080 United Boulevard, Coquitlam, B.C.

Words can kiss !!!'s (chk chk chk) blip-disco ass. Expect sweat, nonsense, and dishevelment. -S.T. Tickets are $25 @ Zulu Records Richard's On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

There's just too much I could say about Engelbert Humperdinck. For one, there's his name, which is awesome beyond words. Then there's his long-lasting music career, which is quite impressive in and of itself. But I think his biggest feat is being named number 5 on Maxim's "Living Sex Legends" list at the tender age of 71. You go Humperdinck! - R.T. Tickets are $59.50 - $69.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Red Robinson Show Theatre, Boulevard Casino, 2080 United Boulevard, Coquitlam, B.C.

This Brooklyn music duo is comprised of Rob Barber and Mary Pearson. Barber plays a variety of instruments and Mary sings. They actually pretty damn good music, I'm getting tired of this 2-man band thing. Let's move on, shall we??PB Tickets are $12 Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards on Richards, 1036 Richards St., Vancouver, BC

I've never been to Iceland, but, judging from their export-worthy music, I imagine everyone is laidback. How does anything ever get done? The sublime Sigur Rós play intense, ethereal, atmospheric, almost diaphanous songs that encourage blissful nodding and transfixed stares. Incidentally, every time that my friend Sath listens to múm, he gets sleepy; they're his Icelandic Ambien. -S.T. Tickets are $49.50 - $59.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 6265 Crescent Road, University Of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC

Day 2 of the Stanley Park Singing Exhibition concludes with performances by Steve Jackson and the 1990s, so it should be a good show and?wait?who am I forgetting. Oh yeah, of course. The headlining act are the hometown heroes The New Pornographers. Vancouver?s favourite pop rock consortium, boasts the palpable talent of Carl Newman, Neko Case, Dan Bejar, and others. The maple leaf is the new star, and porn is the new hammer and sickle. Mon SEP 1 STANLEY PARK SINGING EXH. NEW PORNOGRAPHERS, 1990s, STEVE JACKSON...- MALKIN BOWL Tickets are $30.00-$35.00 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Vancouver, BC

The two-day Stanley Park Singing exhibition kicks off with a performance Headlined by Neko Case. That means you?ll get a show capped off by a gorgeous young songsters plucking your heartstrings and controlling you like the ancient siren she is. That?s not a bad way to finish a line up of music that included Destroyer and Andrew Bird. Some might say that it?s the perfect conclusion.-P.B. Tickets are $30.00-$35.00 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Vancouver, BC

The Chad masters Backstreet Boys production, Coldplay vocals and 80?s synths in his latest poppy recording. See if it?s physically possible to replicate the sound live on stage (and that?s without the assistance of a CD player).-E.J. Tickets are $15.25 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richard's on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

This girl centric Danish band certainly wins point for being unique. After all, it's not every day that you stumble upon a band with a female vocalist who likes to play a standing base while crooning between two go-go dancers. Oh those crazy Danes! The Horrorpops have been producing club hits for a few years now and are quickly gaining momentum and fans. The band is in Vancouver touring with their album "Kiss Kiss Kill Kill." The album doesn't live up to that title, but hey, what does??PB Tickets are $15.25 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Playing with a who's who of the indie music scene, Vanderslice has been sharing a stage with the likes of Vampire Weekend and Okkervil River. And he fits in well. Not one to back down from political and media attention, the artist has created a hoax involving Microsoft suing him over trade mark violations. Yada, yada, yada, he's known for this kinda shtick. Go see what tricks he pulls at this concert. ?C.S. Tickets are $15 @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000 Media Club, 695 Cambie Street, Vancouver, BC

The freak of nature formerly known as Esther is going on tour for the umpteenth time to promote her newest album, Hard Candy. Seriously, this woman does not age. You should go just for the level of suspense that Madonna brings to the show. Will she use a British accent? Will she make out with another girl on stage? (I think the count is at 3 right now.) The surprises are endless. Plus she is a perfectionist with a ton of cash and some great tracks, so you know you will get your money's worth. -C.S. Tickets are $55-165 @ Ticketmaster BC Place, 777 Pacific Boulevard, Vancouver, BC

He?s actually just one person, real name: Clarence Greenwood. He?s a reggae-blues/hip-hop artist hailing from Brooklyn and looks like a granola chewing hippy. His music is the happy, upbeat tunes that carefree twentysomethings listen to while smoking the sweet stuff. Not my cup of tea, but it may be yours, so grab a ticket and throw on your poncho, you upper-middle-class dropout. Tickets are $29.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Vogue Theatre, 918 Granville Street, Vancouver, B.C.

Cold War kids lived with a learned and soothing paranoia. That's why kids today seem like they have it too easy. Though, don't get self-righteous, CW kids. Your parents had to deal with a hot war, which is way worse and way sweatier. Conversely, Cold War Kids - the band - do have it too easy. -S.T. Tickets are $17.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

The most eloquent and fluid rapper in the most influential and powerful hip hop crew of all time is touring his 1995 classic Liquid Swords. What more do you want? It won't get better than this. Go. Tickets are $24.50 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Joe Bonamassa was named Best Blues Guitarist by Guitar Player Magazine and "best guitarist of his generation" by Guitar One Magazine. And honestly, he is probably everything they say he is. The problem is, unless you read guitar magazines (meaning you also play guitar and listen religiously to Stevie Ray Vaughan, Joe Satriani, and Steve Vai), you probably won't be as impressed. Guitar virtuosity is all well and good, but sometimes you want fleshed out songs, not just extended solos. - R.T. Tickets are $29.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Intentional or not, there's a dash of Tom Waits in there. Jackpot left-fielders, Man Man play pot/pan artistic anti-art-school rooming-house bedroom rock; they're focused, frenetic and fantastic. -S.T. Tickets are $20 @ Zulu Records and Tickets are $41 - $69 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Words can kiss !!!'s (chk chk chk) blip-disco ass. Expect sweat, nonsense, and dishevelment. -S.T. Tickets are $25 @ Zulu Records Richard's On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

You like a Ron Sexsmith song. Everyone does, even if they don?t know it. His music, though not Nick-Drake-ubiquitous, shows up on myriad soundtracks, on public radio, and in Second Cup. You?ve heard it, you like it, Chris Martin likes it, almost every other musician you?ve ever heard of likes it, so go to the show, drink a glass of wine, bob your head, and buy some merch. Tickets are $34.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Chan Centre For The Performing Arts, 6265 Crescent Road, UBC, Vancouver, BC

Soy un perdedor." -"Loser" by Beck In the pre-internet days (I'm dating myself), Beck dropped a brilliant, self-aware spoken-word ballad that playfully captured the '90s zeitgeist. Then, "Google" had not become a verb, thus figuring out the lyrics was left to radio (remember that?) listeners. Unfortunately, I didn't - nor do I - speak Spanish. I should apologize to Beck for mangling his masterpiece time and again. Sorry, Beck. -S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Famous rivers: Seine, Thames, Mississippi, Rubicon, Wolf (sorry Jeff), Phoenix, and Cuomo. Okkervil should be on that list. The Austin band plays folk-ish rock with a country-pluck hobby, literary/political lyrics, and infectiousness without easy hooks. -S.T. Tickets are $16 @ Zulu, Scratch Richards on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

A group of unlikely music industry darlings, these former visual artists are actually tight with Bowie and have found a fan in Mos Def. Expect plenty of electro, beat boxing, and free jazz sounds as the basis to their Beat-like lyrics. No surprise that this group likes to have fun, in particular, the type of fun your grandmother would appreciate: word games! Apart from their name, their first album was titled OK Computer. Ha. -C.S. Tickets are $27.50 @ Ticketmaster Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Anglophiles rejoice: Oasis finally returns. Do you remember when (What?s the Story) Morning Glory? broke and everyone was walking slowly down halls and blowing off Sallys? That was great. Noel, Liam, and those two other guys ? neither of whom are named Bonehead ? bring their anthemic Brit-pop to the Bell Centre. Say what you will about massive career declines, but you?ll get shivers as soon as ?Wonderwall?s? acoustic strums begin. One of the most prolific jean-jacket strummers in the history of alt- country, Ryan Adams, along with his stellar back-up band, the Cardinals, opens this so- disparate- it- might- work gig. Go. ?S.T. Tickets are $49.50-69.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 GM Place, 800 Griffith Way, Vancouver, BC

Though most of the born ruff grow soft over time, these Midland ex-pats are young enough to still retain their polka dot hardness. Having opened for Hot Chip, Peter Bjorn and John, and the Hidden Cameras, the superlatively exuberant Born Ruffians are raucous and will-be brilliant. -S.T. Tickets are $13 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richard's On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

The Chad masters Backstreet Boys production, Coldplay vocals and 80?s synths in his latest poppy recording. See if it?s physically possible to replicate the sound live on stage (and that?s without the assistance of a CD player).-E.J. Tickets are $15.25 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richard's on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Want to go get wasted and see some live music? Then go see Ladyhawk. These guys like to drink and so do their fans. It normally helps make the music much more bearable. And hey, it?s a Friday night so you have no excuse not to drink up and rock out. Tickets are $14 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

There's just too much I could say about Engelbert Humperdinck. For one, there's his name, which is awesome beyond words. Then there's his long-lasting music career, which is quite impressive in and of itself. But I think his biggest feat is being named number 5 on Maxim's "Living Sex Legends" list at the tender age of 71. You go Humperdinck! - R.T. Tickets are $59.50 - $69.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Red Robinson Show Theatre, Boulevard Casino, 2080 United Boulevard, Coquitlam, B.C.

Of course there are battles in Brooklyn: every current worthwhile American band has crowded the budget-Manhattan. Not just blippers, not just pluckers, not just twisters, Battles bash together genres letting sounds fight for respite, replete with the occasional demonic chipmunk vocal, 4/4 nod, and fuzz twist. They're amalgam sublimity epitomized. -S.T. Tickets are $20 @ Zulu, Scratch, Highlife, and Red Cat Records Richards on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Oh Metallica, you were once the most popular hard rock band in the world. Then the heavy metal craze ended and all of your macho posturing started to look silly. Then you released the documentary Some Kind Of Monster, which made it clear that your entire band is comprised of whiny egotists with more attitude than brains. These days you still put asses in seats, but the mystique is long gone. Ah well, at least your music hasn't aged as poorly as Pearl Jam.?PB No ticket prices have been set yet General Motors Place, 800 Griffiths Way, Vancouver, B.C.

Plastikman himself, Richie Hawtin, may not be able to bend like Rubberman or change-room spy like Mr. Invisible, but he can work up a damn good techno tizzy (yeah, I use the word "tizzy.") Like other spin superstars, Richie eschews the declarative "DJ" prefix; you know you're big when?-S.T. Tickets @ Zulu Records Celebrities, 1022 Davis Street, Vancouver, BC

Neil Sedaka's nearly 60 year career is quite impressive, but honestly, he's pretty boring. There's nothing interesting about him. So I'll just go ahead and make some stuff up: Neil Sedaka has the world record for most pleats per pant. Neil Sedaka's glasses can be seen from space. Neil Sedaka's biggest hit was the 1962 Paul Anka diss track, "Anka, how's my ass taste." I think I like him a lot better now. Don't you? - R.T. Tickets are $64.50 - $74.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Red Robinson Show Theatre, Boulevard Casino, 2080 United Boulevard, Coquitlam, B.C.

The freak of nature formerly known as Esther is going on tour for the umpteenth time to promote her newest album, Hard Candy. Seriously, this woman does not age. You should go just for the level of suspense that Madonna brings to the show. Will she use a British accent? Will she make out with another girl on stage? (I think the count is at 3 right now.) The surprises are endless. Plus she is a perfectionist with a ton of cash and some great tracks, so you know you will get your money's worth. -C.S. Tickets are $55-165 @ Ticketmaster BC Place, 777 Pacific Boulevard, Vancouver, BC

I have a friend who had tickets to a Flogging Molly show, but got way too drunk, never got in, and woke up the next day with mysterious cuts and bruises all over him. If he had seen these Celtic punkers, the result would probably have been the same. - R.T. Tickets are $27.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

The best Ukrainian gypsy cabaret art punk band in the history of Ukrainian gypsy cabaret art punk, Gogol Bordello play the Culture Room. This can be your Eugene Hutz month. See him front GB at the Commodore Ballroom, hear his music in Wristcutters: A Love Story and watch his lauded starring turn in Everything is Illuminated. Ukraine is far from weak. Tickets are $25.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville St., Vancouver, BC